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从来没有一部电影，让我如此悲伤。 这不是一部同志故事片，但却比所有的都更会讲述感情。 Yonoi的出场带着一股强烈的突兀感，和服、头带、眉眼如画，持鞭、佩刀、身姿挺拔，卓然鹤立于周遭一色灰绿军服之中。当时的他，眼神坚定，并不知道即将遇见的是怎样的宿命。当音乐响起，Yonoi器宇轩昂地走进审判庭大厅，带着一份冷峻而柔和的美感。然后在堂前落座， 施施然、一丝不苟地脱着他那有点自恋意象的白手套，一抬头，英气逼人的Jack Celliers出现在他的眼前，和心里。 起初，直到他提问，我才注意到他的存在，因为在这之前他几乎没有改变过姿势，更没有说过一个字。但看到第二遍的时候，我才体会到，这段沉寂流淌着怎样的暧昧：其实当书记员朗读Celliers的罪行（在Yonoi听来，那更像是英雄事迹），“萌芽”的音乐渐起时，镜头便慢慢推向Yonoi。他的沉静让整个场景仿佛瞬间消声，只剩他眼神的方向。他迷离的眼神和变幻莫测的唇角在心跳似的旋律中，克制地泄露着他僵硬姿态下汹涌的悸动。正可谓：情不知所起，一往而深。 他的问话，更像是辩护。他几乎是以一己之力救下了眼前这个男人。而他需要怎样的冲动和智慧才能在短短的时间内思考出这样一个足够合理的理由？因为要让Celliers死，一个莫须有的罪名足矣；而要让他活，则需要说服所有人。 他大概也没想到，自己的第二段问话会带来一场喷血的视觉盛宴，也更不会想到，这是他唯一一次可以赤裸裸地看着Celliers。“穿上你的衣服！”他的张皇失措实在可爱得紧，后面那句“没有问题问了”更像是不知原由和对象的赌气。 细看下来，我才发现，Yonoi的每一次行为，都在无意间流露出了对Celliers的关心和保护。在庭上，当审判长质疑Celliers供词的可信程度时，Yonoi不假思索地说：“我认为他的话可信”。而当他从硝烟中慢慢走出来的时候，我们似乎可以猜测，也许他正是用这样一个“虚拟枪决”的建议，说服了审判官。因为如果Celliers临死都没有改变供词，他的话也就可信了。而Cilliers，这个男人，在踏上刑场之前，面对狱卒的催促，伴随着“丰盛早餐”的音乐，有条不紊地虚拟着一日平常的清晨：剃须、漱口、喝茶、抽烟⋯⋯遇上这样一个“视死如归”的男人，Yonoi上尉的满腹情衷也不算枉起了。 起初我很疑惑Yonoi为何会如此愤怒地鞭打那个殴打Lawrence的士兵，后来才想明白，大概因为Lawrence和Celliers是旧识，倒未必是爱屋及乌，只是想到能有一个了解Celliers的渠道，对Yonoi来说是多大的诱惑啊！ 于是，在那间悬挂着“八紘一宇”的房间里，Yonoi看似漫不经心地打量着百叶窗，映照着透进的光影，问道：“他，是怎样的一个人？⋯⋯怎样的一个战士？”连Lawrence都不禁好奇为何他会对Celliers如此感兴趣。但他的两次询问，都没有得到Yonoi的回答。我想，Yonoi恐怕自己也不知道答案，或者正是Lawrence的问话，让他开始思考他到底是如何看待Celliers的。 当Hara中士把Celliers安顿好，回来汇报的时候，一定被Yonoi的问话吼得一头雾水：让军医特别医治战俘已经极尽仁慈了，怎么连医生的诊断情况也要报告？ 仅仅安排Hara尽快送他接受治疗，命令Lawrence特别关照显然还是不够，又或者是想给自己一个机会或是借口来看望Celliers，便有了深夜病房的那场探望。Yonoi来去匆匆，但月光如水，“萌芽”的音乐再次响起，他落在Celliers脸庞上的目光泛滥着深情的温柔，眨眼即逝。所谓旁观者清，Hara和Lawrence相视无言的眼神以及军医疑惑的神情都告诉我们他的行为有多么反常。 被Yonoi剑道练习吵醒的Celliers和Lawrence的对话颇有些趣味： Celliers：“刚才那是Yonoi上尉的声音，对吧？” Lawrence：“自从你来这儿以后，他就一直喊得特别拼命。” Celliers：“如果他有心事，为什么他不说出来呢？”（come out也是出柜的意思，一定只是巧合） Lawrence：“我想这就是他说的方式。” Lawrence的观察一向正确，包括后面那场切腹的秀，大概都是Yonoi希冀加深Celliers对自己印象的表达方式吧，所以他才会如此纠结于Celliers是否到场。 而当Lawrence向Yonoi提出控制音量的请求时，Yonoi在询问Lawrence是否受到惊扰后便迫不及待的询问“那位养伤的将官”。也许是背景里那栋白色房子的缘故，又或许是对话中遥远的时间和空间，这一段场景显得异常柔和。Yonoi身着深蓝色剑道服，缓缓踱到石墙前，遥望远方，喃喃道：“如果我可以邀请你们所有人在家乡的樱花树下共饮，那该是多么美好的事啊！”嘴上如此说，他真正想共饮于樱花树下的，想必是“那位养伤的将官”吧！而最后气氛急转直下，突然决定上演那场切腹秀，或许只是因为Lawrence那句似有心而无心的称扬“你是当时那些出色的年轻将官之一”激起了Yonoi获得Celliers认同的渴望。当然，是以他自己认为正确的方式。 “正确”也是这部影片贯穿始终的一个词。当Yonoi急切地向他询求肯定的时候，Lawrence无奈而又坚定地回答道：“不⋯⋯你错了”，然后接着说道：“我们都错了”。无论是Hara和Lawrence在那个深夜里关于俘虏和自尽的讨论，还是Lawrence气急败坏地咒骂日本人“血腥、可怕、肮脏的神”，或是战俘指挥官对Lawrence的不解和屡次刁难，都让人沮丧地看到两个文化之间巨大的鸿沟，而Lawrence这支独木桥真有点杯水车薪的无奈。然后，恰恰正是游走于两个文化之间的他，只有他，看到了执着于“正确”的惨重代价。在片子结尾时，在那间海景囚室里，他是这样回答Hara对自己罪行的不解的：“你是那些认为自己正确的人（审判Hara的英国人）的受害者，就像过去你和Yonoi上尉坚信你们是正确的一样。事实却是，没有人是正确的。”我太喜欢这句话了，正是来自不同维度的震撼， 才让我如此喜爱这部电影，以至于在很长时间里都沉浸在它赋予的情绪中。 当Lawrence咆哮着“如果我们修行，他也会”的时候，不仅镇住了愤怒的指挥官，也镇住了我。Yonoi确实是个与众不同的男人，也难怪Lawrence的言语中流露着敬佩。但若论行事与众不同，自然没人比得上Celliers少校。他挎着一篮鲜花走了进来，悼念死去的战友，慰藉饥肠辘辘的同伴，凛然面对查房的日本士兵。盛怒之下，Yonoi不知所措，有些委屈地特意用英语说道：“你以为你是谁？你是恶灵吗？”“是的，但愿是你的恶灵。”Celliers回答道，然后手持那朵火艳的花，在Yonoi面前蛊惑般吃下。十分屌，非常屌，吃完还极其潇洒地把花蒂往后一扔。Yonoi看不下去了，一抿嘴，有气无力地说了一声：“带走”。这一段里有个非常微妙的镜头：Hara中士感受到Celliers眼里的愤怒后，并没有像打Lawrence一样冲上去打他，而是转头看了看他的上司，Yonoi上尉。Hara真是个看似憨厚的聪明人，就像在那个圣诞夜，他明白要放Lawrence就得连Celliers一起放一样，他知道Yonoi的心思。 当然，Yonoi的侍卫也知道，甚至不惜用自己的生命来捍卫“神”的完美。这个侍卫真不像个服从至上的日本兵，倒更像Yonoi的家臣，誓死效忠的不是天皇，而是他自己心中的“神”，Yonoi。Yonoi是以怎样的心情每天去“视察”Celliers，又是以怎样的心情给他送去波斯地毯？可以想象，他怎样以在审判庭上同样的冲动和智慧思考着足够合理的理由。 我一直在想，Celliers的这次逃跑，到底算什么？他真的打算逃吗？他真的认为自己能够逃出去吗？至少在Lawrence看来是荒谬的。如果是真的，他为何还要带着那条毯子，又为何会在Yonoi拔刀之后，笑着放下了腰刀。 这一定与勇气无关，这个永远无畏的男人既然能以徒手对腰刀，自然也能以腰刀对佩刀。或许最大的差别在于他知道侍卫真的会杀了他，而Yonoi不会。 或许是因为Yonoi拔刀时那双泫然欲泣的眼。Celliers看着Yonoi时一直在笑，拔刀时在笑，说话时也在笑，到最后Lawrence说出“我想他有点喜欢上你了”时，更是笑得埋下了头。我宁愿相信此时的Celliers是可爱的，带着些许羞涩。他的弃刀正是他的温柔，因为和他对战，一定是Yonoi最不情愿的事情。而他和Yonoi对峙时的笑，仿佛看穿了Yonoi的心，也看穿了他的逞强。果不其然，当Hara赶来，举枪准备射击的时候，Yonoi极其自然地一个转身，挡在了Celliers面前，留给Hara一脸的惊恐。纵然前一秒钟他还恼怒于Celliers对自己的藐视。 我之前一直很不解为何应题的这句“Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence”会从Hara中士的口中说出来。他的存在基本是独立于Yonoi和Celliers两人感情之外的。他所要讲述的，一定是影片其他的东西，比如“正确”，比如圣诞礼物，又比如酒醉。最后，他身着素服，颈缠佛珠，戾气尽收，似问非问地说：“我可以一直醉下去吗？”他在怀念那个酒醉的圣诞夜，那份厚重的圣诞礼物，和指间的余香。我以为他会说“其实那天我根本没醉”。是的，他知道他冒了多大的风险，也选择了狡猾的策略，他还知道Yonoi并不想杀他们，相反想救他们，准确地说，想救Celliers。于是，那是一个快乐的圣诞夜，“战场上的快乐圣诞”。他让所有人都快乐起来：Lawrence、Celliers、Yonoi和他自己。这是沉重的军国主义体系下一次小小的个性反叛，但明日酒醒，一切如旧。如果是酒醉，只有酒醉，才能让一切发生，何不一直醉下去呢？ 生与死就在一念之间，等死的Celliers在圣诞夜被“Father Christmas”赐予了生命，却又在转瞬间，挥霍了它。这是他必然的结局，或许他一直在等着这一天，因为他从来没有惧怕过，因为他内心挥之不去的愧疚。但我相信当他注视着走下吉普车的Yonoi，情不自禁地说“真美啊”的时候，并没打算要在转瞬之后自我毁灭。而Lawrence听到他自言自语后的那一挑眉更像是揭开了暧昧的封纸，暗香浮动。 Celliers那场疯狂与浪漫的自我毁灭表现得十分戏剧，“播种”的音乐带着点魔幻色彩适时想起，Celliers直勾勾地盯着Yonoi，脑袋里各种念头电光火石般闪现。只见他大踏步地走上前，还是那件明艳的绿色军装，轻拂袖口的尘灰，仔细地将胸包的纽扣扣好，旁若无人地穿过人群，穿过持枪的士兵，仿佛穿行于静止的时空，让我一度以为这只是他脑海中的想象。于是，他整整帽檐，来到腿脚发颤的Yonoi面前。惊惶失措的Yonoi手脚无力，推了两次都推不动Celliers，最后将手颤抖地按上他的脸，将他推倒在地，可Yonoi的眼中，却写满了渴望和克制。或许在Yonoi心里，这脸颊的触感，与其说是推搡，不如说是抚摸。 Celliers毫不迟疑地站起来，拍拍土，顶着一头桀骜不驯的金发，晃荡着胸前的围巾，再次坚定地站到Yonoi面前，扳过他的身子，重重地在他的右脸颊上亲了一口，然后是左脸颊，然后轻靠他的侧脸，遥望着远方，然后放开，深吸一口气，坚定地直视着他的双眼。Yonoi的眼神一片迷乱，幻化成一片幸福与羞辱、爱情与尊严、神与恶灵、错与对纠结的战场。最终，迟疑地举起佩刀的他终于晕倒在侍卫的搀扶中。 Celliers被埋在白色的砂石中，只留下棱角分明的英俊脸庞、张扬的金发和散发着不同色彩的双眸。他在临死前梦见了家中的花园，再一次听到了弟弟天籁般的歌声，也终于得到了弟弟的原谅。他的自我毁灭带着强烈的救赎意味，他通过这个吻救下了指挥官，救下了自己因背叛而愧疚的心，也救下了挣扎在爱情和信念之间的Yonoi，或许，还救下了他自己对Yonoi似有若无的情愫。 此后，在那个悄然无声的夜里，在那片凄冷的月色下，Yonoi坚定地直面了自己的爱情。 他一身戎装，浮现在夜幕里，此时的音乐空灵得犹如神社的晨钟。当他踏着缓缓的步伐，靠近将死的爱人，一切又归于寂静，只剩皮靴踩上石子的嘎吱声，以及那一声轻微的剃刀开合。他轻轻捋起Celliers的一撮金发，小心翼翼地用剃刀“喀吱喀吱”地割下，仔细地包好，揣入衣兜。然后，他缓缓起身，略一行礼，仿佛在为割发致歉，缓步绕到身前。在渐起的音乐声中，Yonoi郑重地行了一个军礼，向爱人告别，然后大步离去。只留下Celliers额前的一只白蛾，诉说着飞蛾扑火的决绝和伤悲。 同样的音乐，他们一个上前，一个离去，仿佛完成了他们的仪式。配乐的名称告诉我那是“播种”，正如Lawrence说的：“Celliers用他的死，在Yonoi的心中播下了一颗种子，我们都分享了它的成长”。这颗种子定然不叫爱情，因为此时的爱情早已在Yonoi心中瓜熟蒂落。那它是什么呢？或许是坚持于爱情，坚持于自我，坚持于内心真实的那颗心。 Yonoi在临死前，将那撮残发交给Lawrence，托付他供奉在自己家乡的神社里。那是怎样的悲伤和深情啊！短短的一句台词，却藏着一片天空的开阔。他用一生来坚持，爱人用生命播下的种子。又是家乡、樱花树和神社，那份田园牧歌的恬静才是他挥之不去的牵挂吧。即使无缘共饮，让爱人长眠于自己的魂之所归处，也算是一种相聚吧！ 电影并没有在这里结束，而是定格于Hara那张足够真实的笑脸，和那句欢乐尚存的“Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence”。他就像一个讲述者，讲完了一个久远而忧伤的故事，然后揭开窗纱，给我们一个真实的亮相，然后，就此别过。

写在前面：

1.我是刚结束高考的学生，坐标广东。本文中既有中文也有英文原版，选取内容主要围绕yonoi和celliers的互动展开。

因为水平有限翻译一定会有不足之处，望有心人/前辈指正！谢谢！！！！！

2.一个小小的说明：

原小说中，“我”是celliers生命的见证者，相当于电影中Lawrence先生的角色。

战后我与Lawrence先生重逢，阅读celliers在战争中写就的对于弟弟的忏悔和回忆；我所知的是yonoi和celliers间的暗涌，而Lawrence所知的仅仅只是战后yonoi拜托他去送头发。Celliers的自述和我的旁观占绝大多数篇幅。

A．【yonoi的外表】【正面描写】

就在此时，我确信无疑：yonoi的面影浮现在我们眼前。我们一致认为他令人印象深刻，说不定是我们见过的最英俊的日本人。他有一张祭司一样的脸，一种禁欲苦修的神情。尽管像他的族人那样稍有歪斜，他的眼睛形状优美，闪烁着不可抗拒的光芒。他高而笔挺。他是我见过最整洁的日本军官：制服裁剪合体，没有污迹；军靴仔细擦试过，熠熠闪光。他带着一种对自己与其他人之间差异了然于心的神情；这在以前我们归咎于虚荣，而现在，我对劳伦斯先生说，会不会是出于对某种荣耀的觉知——而那荣耀太过遥远，于我辈而言不可触摸？

Just then, I am certain we both had Yonoi’s face vividly before us. He was a striking person we both agreed, perhaps the most handsome Japanese we had ever seen. He had an ascetic, almost a priestlike face, round head and an aquiline nose. His eyes were well spaced and though slanted in the manner of his race, were brilliantly compelling. He was also taller than most, and straightly made. He was the tidiest Japanese officer I have ever known too, his uniform always well cut and spotless and his jackboots polished and shining. He carried himself with a conscious air of distinction which most of us put down to vanity but which, I now said to Lawrence, may have been concerned with some special notion of honour that was inaccessible to us?

B．【celliers的外表】【间接描写】

……审判他的五个法官之一，就是yonoi。

Yonoi的视线刚扫过他，celliers就注意到他英俊的脸庞上出现了感兴趣的神色，随即迅速转变为一种警觉。相似地——尽管并不如前者那样露骨——其他的法官也紧紧盯着他。Celliers几乎确信无疑他的出现打破了日本法官们对他形象的设想。鉴于kempeitai记录里他在雨林和牢狱里劣迹斑斑的行径，他们之前肯定在内心里已经宣判他为一个外国魔鬼，这般罪恶以致向日本皇军展现出如此顽固和反抗的意志。然而从一开始所有法官——yonoi最为明显——便陷入了不一致中，因为celliers的外表使他们无可救药地开始喜爱他。

“这并不使我感到惊讶，”Lawrence插话说，“语言不通的情景下，一个人的外表是第一位的。再说，日本人对各种各样的美有天生的敏感。我可以想象像straffer那样的外表会让他们如何浮想连翩。”

The moment Yonoi’s eyes fell on him, Celliers noticed a look of interest, quickly transformed into something akin to alarm, appearing on his handsome face. The other judges too, stared at him hard and long though not so strangely as Yonoi. Celliers was certain they had formed a picture of him in their minds which he contradicted. They had already condemned him in their minds from the Kempeitai record of his behaviour in jungle and prison as a foreign devil, evil enough to show a spirit of wilfulness and disobedience to the army of their Exalted Descendant of a Sun-goddess. But from the start Yonoi in particular and the judges in general were disconcerted because his appearance instantly predisposed them into liking him.

‘That doesn’t surprise me,’ Lawrence broke in here. ‘In dealing with peoples whose language one cannot speak one’s physical appearance can be all important. And the Japanese have a natural eye for beauty of all kinds. I can see clearly how a fellow of” Straffer’s” looks would have set their imaginations in motion.’

【yonoi的即兴发挥】

‘You!’ Yonoi said: ‘You – you say you ordered come by parachute Java. Who ordered?’

‘I received my orders from the Commander-in-Chief India,’ Celliers answered.

Pausing only to translate to his fellow judges Yonoi went on:

‘You not ordered by General in Java?’

‘How could I have been?’ Celliers asked. ‘I came from Cairo to Colombo and flew from Colombo to Java two months after the surrender. I’ve never even seen the Commander-in-Chief of Java or had any communication with his officers.’

As he spoke Celliers saw a flash of satisfaction in Yonoi’s brilliant eyes. Yonoi turned to his judges to suggest with tact and passion that the charge of’ wilfulness’ could not be held because Celliers had obeyed, as any soldier must, the orders of his own Commander-in-Chief in India, who was still fighting.

这里说明一下：这个wilfulness很难翻译出来，可以说是日本人心目中最重大的罪，类似于“在没有将官命令条件下作为个体的士兵依然负隅顽抗”。如果此士兵是因为有命令而战斗，他可以作为战俘而被接受；但如果他是孤军奋战，他会因为这种“邪恶的顽固”而被定罪处死。

C．【Lawrence一脸很懂的神情】【又甜又虐】

这段捡重点翻，我看得不能自已！！

……一个高个儿宽肩的孤独身影被推搡进门里。他穿着破烂的草绿军装，一头长发，和我们的光头相比过于繁茂以致于近乎色情（？）……他努力尝试着不用两个陪同士兵的帮助直立行走……

…… “yonoi干涉了！”Lawrence几乎难以置信地大叫起来。过了一会儿，他突然问了一个看起来最不相干的问题：“celliers……他的外表十分悦目，对吗？”

我回答“是”然后问：“为什么这么问？”

Lawrence大大地咧嘴笑起来。“时机成熟后我会解释，”他向我保证，“不过，我想你告诉了我个中关窍——那个谜一样的yonoi曾让我去做一件事。不错，最近我刚见过他。不过你不能就此停下——请继续讲吧！”

I went on to tell Lawrence that I’d been standing there at the gates on watch when suddenly they had opened. I’d half expected a company of infantry to come rushing in on one of their prison searches but it had been just a solitary, tall, broad-shouldered figure, which had been pushed in through the doors in a torn jungle-green uniform, with an untidy head of long hair which, after our cropped heads, looked lush to the point of obscenity. He carried an empty shoulder-pack dangling in one hand and a field flash on his hip, while he tried to walk upright without the help of two Kempeitai privates at his side. Even the sentries were surprised. They had seen comings and goings of secret police cars and concluded that something far bigger than the release of a prisoner from secret confinement was contemplated. And in a sense they had been right for I discovered afterwards that that day we were to have been summoned to attend Cellier’s execution but that largely due to Yonoi’s intervention he had been reprieved at the last moment.

‘Yonoi intervened!’ Lawrence exclaimed incredulously. He half-whistled and then asked what seemed the most inconsequent of questions: ‘Celliers was very fair in colouring, wasn’t he?’

‘I said “Yes” and then asked: “Why?”’

He smiled one of his grave smiles. ‘I’ll explain when the right moment comes,’ he assured me. ‘But I think you’ve given me the key to something that the enigmatic Yonoi once asked me to do. Yes. I saw Yonoi myself on a later occasion. But you’d left the island by then – Go on!’

Fair in colouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!我疯了

D.【yonoi骂人现场】

这个……怎么翻都丧失神韵……我要笑疯了

All this time Yonoi’s inquiries after Celliers became ever more impatient. It became no longer a tense question of: ‘Sick officer? Health, how?’ but more irritably: ‘Sick officer not well? Why? Why not well? Lakas! Quick! Lakas!’ One evening towards the end of Celliers’s hospital term he was so angry when I reported Celliers as still unfit for prison duty that I thought he was going to hit me. He stood in front of me with a quick intake of breath, hissing between his teeth and rocking his head from side to side. A strange ventriloquist’s growl began to rise in his stomach until he screamed: ‘Officer not well because your spirit bad! All prisoners spirits bad! Spirit so bad nothing grows in prison gardens! All, all, very, very bad.’

……yonoi对celliers病情的询问越发不耐烦起来。那不再是一个紧张的问题：‘Sick officer? Health, how?’却变得更加恼怒：‘Sick officer not well? Why? Why not well? Lakas! Quick! Lakas!’

……他站在我面前深深吸气，牙关嘶嘶作响，愤怒地摇头。那种奇怪的近乎腹语的怒吼又从他的胃里涌上来，他尖叫道：‘Officer not well because your spirit bad! All prisoners spirits bad! Spirit so bad nothing grows in prison gardens! All, all, very, very bad.’

这……Bowie看了都沉默。

插一句：这里让yonoi费这么大劲吼一句“nothing grows in prison gardens”是有用意在的，yonoi以为没有，但实际上celliers就是那个播种者。

E．【yonoi探监现场】【大家看黑体】【我不翻了】

I was increasingly confounded when the doctor reported to me that from time to time Yonoi would appear without warning in the open entrance of the hospital cantonment. He would stand there looking at the corner where Straffer lay, taking no notice of anyone else. He would just stand there staring at Straffer as if – as one Australian doctor put it to me – they were two of a kind. The doctor added: ‘Made me uncomfortable. Something not quite healthy about it.’

The strange thing was that Yonoi’s interest never brought him to speak to Straffer on any occasion. After standing there for some time he would summon the doctor in charge and say: ‘Officer there: make well!’ Finishing in that expressive Malay word: ‘Lakas! quick!’

大意就是，yonoi缦立远视，却从来不和celliers讲话。

F．【一些思考】

‘Hear what?’ I asked alarmed by the urgent tone of his question.

‘The music,’ he answered.

Puzzled, I listened more intently than ever. Apart from the normal electro-sonics of that tropical island and the throb of its volcanic heart beating at the temples of the thin-skinned earth of the island there was no sound to be heard.

I told him so but he insisted, saying: ‘There’s the most enchanting music in my ears. It’s all around us. It’s lovely and it’s everywhere.’

这段对话发生在——相当于电影结局的位置——战俘正列队站好，yonoi正在赶来的路上。在小说中，celliers的弟弟正死在此刻，死前他也听到了相同的音乐。

看电影时，音乐穿插交织在重要的情节；那晶莹空灵的旋律近乎无所不在，是否也在呼应小说里这句It’s all around us. It’s lovely and it’s everywhere.’呢？

与电影相较，小说把更多的篇幅和更大的比重给了celliers对于弟弟的回忆和讲述。小说突出了他作为赎罪者的身份，而电影，从日本人的视角出发，体现的却是celliers自由无畏，充满生命力的特点。两相比较，的确饶富深意。

Celliers囿于学院中众人的冷嘲热讽放弃了弟弟。Yonoi的背叛则可分为两个层面来解读：一者，是他自以为的，在二三六事变中背叛了同伴，从而背负了独活的耻辱；而真正的，也是他所未曾发觉的，是他困于军国主义背叛了爱与人性。这种耻感紧密连接着两者——电影中，celliers不羁地坐在床上说“我觉得我和他是一类人”换来Lawrence疑惑又了然的挑眉；小说里，celliers对我剖白：“我们像鸟，因为过于华美的羽衣而落入相同的网。”（仅凭记忆翻，准确表述见原著）。

他们都是曾经受到集体压抑而无法流露出人性（或言爱）的灵魂。而真正美丽的在于事情在于，前者通过自毁实现了赎罪和对后者的救赎。

（泪目）

G．【对于celliers的解读】

“在他的生命中，他感到最紧要的事情是让普适性变成针对性，让共性成为特性，让集体还原个体，同时让我们内心的无意识被意识。”

这段话可说是解读celliers的关键了，诚挚邀请大家贡献自己的翻译版本！

Here Lawrence pressed me hard to recall everything I could of the conversation, and I became rather embarrassed. At the time when Celliers was talking to me there was a lot that I hadn’t understood as I felt I did now. But to try and explain it all to Lawrence made me feel extremely uncomfortable. My whole upbringing and tradition were against so naked a conversation. I think, towards the end, Celliers himself had sensed something of my unspoken reservations, for he had concluded rather abruptly by saying that, as he saw it, he felt the first necessity in life was to make the universal specific, the general particular, the collective individual, and what was unconscious in us conscious.

H．【celliers之死】【这段不翻】

In my despair I turned openly to Celliers.

Before I could speak he spoke to me in a low and reassuring voice as if he were still hearing the music in his ear. He said: ‘I’m going to stop it now. It’ll be all right. But whatever happens do nothing about me. Remember, nothing. Goodbye.’

I did not have time or mind to take in the significance of that ‘good-bye’, nor recognize it then as a clear indication of his knowledge of what the end was going to be for him for as he spoke he stepped out of the ranks his new hat at a rakish angle on his head and the sun flashing on its mutilated badge. He walked, as Lawrence had already remarked, most beautifully. Without hurry he advanced on Yonoi as if he were going across a paddock at home to do no more than take a high-spirited stallion in hand.

The effect among our prison ranks was startling. No sound broke from us but the atmosphere became unlocked and flowing. I knew that without even looking round. Celliers’s reputation had already spread throughout the camp and hope flared up in our ranks again. Even I, though I had no idea what he could or would do, found a too-sweet excitement going through me as I watched his easy almost nonchalant approach. It was truly wonderful; perfectly timed and executed. Anything faster would have alarmed them. Anything slower given them time to recover. Anything before that moment would have failed for Yonoi and his men still would have been free to rush forward and stop him. But finding themselves abandoned by the conclusion they thought foregone they hesitated and just gaped at Celliers, waiting for Yonoi to give them the lead.

When Yonoi opened his eyes again after his short prayer to the spirit, the Maru of his sword, Celliers was barely fifteen yards away. Amazement like the shock of a head-long collision went through him. Going white in the process he stared in a blank unbelieving way at Celliers. For the first time in days he was compelled, because of the unfathomed identification between Celliers and himself, to see someone outside himself.

Amazement then gave way to consternation and he cried out a command in English that was also a plea: ‘You – officer – go – back, go back, go back!’

But Celliers went on to place himself between Hicksley-Ellis and Yonoi and said something quietly and unhurriedly to Yonoi.

Yonoi appeared not to have heard him. He shrieked again: ‘You – go back, back, back!’ like someone trying to scare a ghost.

Celliers shook his head quietly and went on staring at him steadily as a disarmed hunter might stare a growling lion straight in the face. Perhaps more in terror than in anger, Yonoi raised his sword and knocked Celliers down with the flat of it. The crack on his head rang out like a pistol-shot to be followed by another exhortation to Celliers to go back. Dazed, Celliers struggled to his feet, swayed and half-turned as if to obey – then swung around suddenly. He took a couple of paces back towards Yonoi, put his hands on Yonoi’s arms and embraced him on both cheeks rather like a French general embracing a soldier after a decoration for valour.

The shock of this strange action was unbelievable. I do not know who apart from Yonoi was shocked the most: the Japanese or ourselves.

“He walked, as Lawrence had already remarked, most beautifully.”

刻骨铭心只是一瞬间。

我并不知道他的再见意味着什么。

在场没有一个战俘，一个日本士兵知道在这个瘦削孤独的男人内心，无声的乐曲奏响

竟然没有一个人可以追上他的脚步，可以拉他一把，让他停下。

Celliers从不自知他致命的诱惑力。他已经惯于在放荡的孤独中闪光。

他的行走从容不迫，恰好完美地抵达了yonoi，他的罪以及他的死亡。

I．【关于结尾】

我最喜欢的结尾都有 “宕开”“褪去”的意味在，叙述得体地结束而余韵萦回不去，比如了不起的盖茨比，活着，西线无战事这三本。

Lawerence：“日本人无意识地选用沙刑，恰恰暴露出对celliers举动所埋下种子的认可。他们把他笔直的树立在沙中；后来他又被yonoi供养在群山之中的神庙里；而现在，这粒种子在你与我的心中仍然鲜活，茁壮生长。”

‘You see,’ Lawrence said to me now, his voice low with feeling: ‘the seed sown by brother in brother in that far-off homeland was planted in many places. It was planted that day in your prison in Java. Yes, even in the manner they killed Celliers his enemies acted out their unwitting recognition of the seed of his deed, for they did not only bury him alive but planted him upright like a new young growth in the earth. Even the manner of their denial of the deed was confirmation of what was rejected. He was planted again by Yonoi on the hills and spirit of his native country, and here again the seed is alive and growing in you and me.’

我相信如果不是我的妻子回家并用杂事打断我们，我们会继续谈下去。当我去检查屋顶最后一扇窗户时，我伫立了一会儿，凝视着窗外西沉的太阳。是的，圣诞节伟大庄严的灰色平静将要迅速消逝，西南方苍黄的天空里，破破烂烂的云团正朝我们涌来。多么喜悦，能够感知到自然中的事物如此自由狂野，处于动荡之中。我依旧站在那里，满心欢迎风暴的到来，就像celliers再次从他出生，成长，死亡，埋葬和供养的许多地方归来，重新生机勃勃地站在我身后；就像他的声音再度在我耳畔响起：“风与神，土地与生灵，雨水与万物，雷电与话语，种子与播种者，都相与为一；而于人而言唯一必要的事情，是选择他的种子并祈祷其内在的播种者以其举动和形迹去播撒它们，那以后的丰收将伟大丰饶。”

I believe he might have gone on had my wife not entered the room just then and asked me to see to the windows and doors because a wireless warning had come through that a great gale was bearing down on us fast. When I came to check on the last window at the top of the house I stood there for a while looking out at the dying day. Yes, the great grey calm of Christmas was breaking fast. In the south-west against the pale yellow sky the clouds, ragged and torn, were coming racing towards us. The elements were loose and wild with movement and how good it was to know them once more on the move. I stood there with a heart full of welcome for the storm and it was as if Celliers had come again from all those many places in which he had been born, lived, died, been buried and enshrined, to stand behind me renewed and reintegrated, saying clearly in my ear: ‘Wind and spirit, earth and being, rain and doing, lightning and awareness imperative, thunder and the word, seed and sower, all are one: and it is necessary only for man to ask for his seed to be chosen and to pray for the sower within to sow it through the deed and act of himself, and then the harvest for all will be golden and great.’

说明：celliers被监禁时遇到了爪哇岛上的风暴，他评价这是他“最喜欢的”。

感谢阅读！

最后的最后，他只是在他爱人死去的那晚，拿军刀割下了这个蓝眼睛黄头发男人的一缕头发。他深爱着他，可是他逃不出他的深渊。 我此时坐在这里，回忆着两天前看的电影画面，它们缓慢地闪过，缓慢得仿佛走了许多个世纪。其实现在想来我也大抵只愿记起一些美好的，观影过程的紧张崩溃在了最后的绝望中，然而终究看过一遍以后，明白再深重的苦难也已画尾，才有胆量说我想写，把这后感写出来。 他那样美，那样美。一身青衣，挡住暴虐。世野井的气质，让人觉得安定，从一开始的紧张压抑里把人解救出来。然而，之后当他看到西里尔斯，这一潭深水便颤动了。 我想我大概永远都记得住，世野坐在高高的法庭上，目光下移安静地看着西里尔斯，那个深深的定格，那一瞬间坂本龙一的脸美极了，他的眉眼突然之间温柔起来，但又充满了宁静的宿命味道，我从来都无法抵御这种拥有仿若浮世绘中人物眉眼的男子，他端坐在那里，似乎身旁紧张的辩诉与他毫无关系，他只是定定的看着眼前的碧眼男人，然后，微微地把眼眯起来。那时候，我第一次看懂了什么叫一见钟情，那时候，我甚至觉得坂本龙一真的爱上了David Bowie。 他那样的坚决、勇敢、不可一世，像一个意外，像一只自由的鸟，有着锋利的喙，爪子上布满了象征荣誉与经验的伤痕，雄壮的翅膀挣扎出美丽夺目的羽毛，一双眼睛仿佛可以刺穿天云。他想网住他，世野第一次看到西里尔斯他就想网住他，他稚弱地用莎士比亚的台词来作为他和他的开场，笨拙地显示着自己与其他愚夫莽汉的不同，他操练着别扭的英语，走下审判席，走近那个男人，却把手插进了兜里，好像想要靠近他却又怯懦地在保护自己一样，世野在西里尔斯面前几乎一直都是弱势的，他的问题被他巧妙而轻蔑地回答着，他袒露的背脊让世野慌了手脚，那个喊着“快穿上衣服”从痴迷表情中回过神来的军官，可爱的就像是一个情窦初开的小小少年。 之后的他，便只知默默而又假装没有意识到自己行为反常地保护着西里尔斯。他毫不犹豫地在法庭上喊出“我相信他”，原本板上钉钉的审判也大抵在他的作用下发生了改变。有一点东西，暖暖地渗到了这充满哀伤着色凝重的影片里，渗到了它繁重拖沓的长镜头里。这点东西，也许，叫做爱情吧。也许吧。 之后的那一幕，西里尔斯在牢狱中虚拟梳洗的样子深深地打动了我，到那时我才真正明白为什么世野一眼便会爱上这个男人。他与他一样美，有着些微自恋倾向的世野被眼前这个与他那样相似而又相悖的男人迷住了，他狂野不羁，可却同时优雅，绅士。他微微扬起的下颔勾勒出一个完美的线条。他永远衣衫整洁，系着围巾，高脚靴上永远站立着一个挺拔的身影。他那样的与众不同，那样决绝地打破了世野的生活。 于是他便不许他去死，世野可能还没明白自己是怎么了，可是在他搞懂自己想法之前他必须得让西里尔斯活下来，于是在枪响过后，西里尔斯如同罹难的圣子一般被绑在刑台上，毫发无伤的喊出“好枪法”的时候，他身后的浓烟滚滚里走来的是一身戎装手提军刀的世野。他就像个英雄，拯救了自己的爱人。 西里尔斯被带回了世野所辖的俘虏营，一开始那个殴打劳伦斯的战士受到世野一反常态的猛烈鞭笞大概也是因为世野知晓了劳伦斯是西里尔斯相熟的战友。“好像你一来了，就激发了他的兽性”，劳伦斯的这句话让人忍俊不禁。世野站在百叶窗前，摘下手套，阳光一道一道地落在他忽明忽暗的脸上。这时候他的声音特别温柔，“what kind of man is he？”他回过头，然后他轻轻走近劳伦斯，认真安静地听劳伦斯讲西里尔斯的过去，极有耐心地看着劳伦斯解释什么叫“扫射机”。原上士进门，他一回头便是“医生怎么说”紧接着便对着劳伦斯“我需要他尽快恢复健康，这是命令！”然后的然后，他仿佛是故意避开了劳伦斯的问题“为什么你这样关心西里尔斯上校？” 最温暖的那个夜晚，原上士去找劳伦斯，两个拥有不同信仰的朋友在黑夜里安静地聊着天，然后世野来了，他让警卫员走进照了照西里尔斯的脸，但是自己却只是站得远远地看着那个熟睡的男人，那一瞬间，月色照在世野的脸上，特别的温柔，他就这么定定地看着西里尔斯，眼神那样美丽。那个画面后来被我用作了桌面，坂本龙一32岁的面庞年轻，俊美，而再没有一个画面美丽过他看着心爱之人的样子了。 次日便是所谓“兽性大发”的日子，世野的剑道练习惊扰到了战俘们，而世野在与劳伦斯交谈的时候却只是轻轻地问起，“那个生病的军官也感到不舒服了？”他几乎只想着他，他关心他的每一件事。他以为旁若无人地做着这些事，其实他只是在骗自己罢了。 吃花的男人那样迷人，他简直是灼烧着的死魂，“不要再这样对我了，不要再仗着我爱你就来挟持我了”，哪怕他站在高高的台阶上，全身戒备，哪怕他眼前的男人被四五个人束缚着，他依旧是处在了劣势里，西里尔斯颤颤巍巍地伸手拿那朵花对着世野，眼睛一眨不眨地望着他，瘦弱的脸庞依旧英俊，满身伤痕却还是那样美丽。 谁又能承受得住呢？！世野眼底满是委屈，他低沉的声音问出来“你以为你是谁？你是个恶灵吗？”然后下一秒西里尔斯便说出那句让人颤栗的话“是的，我希望我是你的邪念之一。” 被关禁闭的西里尔斯依然受到世野的关心，也许大家注意到了那个去刺杀西里尔斯的士兵曾经问过守卫“队长经常来吗？”得到的回答是“他每晚都来。”他每晚都来，他还为西里尔斯送来一条波斯毯子。西里尔斯背着劳伦斯逃跑的那晚，他也来了，他对着他，拔出刀，却看到西里尔斯把匕首丢到地上，他似乎是受了委屈地问道“为什么不和我决斗，如果你打败我你就自由了！”“为什么要禁锢我，为什么不能给我自由！”其实我觉得他想说的，也许是这一句。 他依旧只能保护着他，他看到原上士拔出手枪，几乎是没有犹豫地挡在了西里尔斯的面前，就像那个去刺杀西里尔斯的警卫员说的“他是个恶魔，他会摧毁你的灵魂！”此时的世野，他生命中的很多东西，很多罪恶的丑陋的犹如地底阴虱的不堪过去开始搅动起来，他被夹在这黑暗中挣扎。他发现吸引自己的，正是对他自己往生以来信仰的背弃。这段爱情，几乎是要把他自己从原有的灵魂里剥离出来。观影的时候我常常不知道是初触荧屏的坂本龙一的稚弱还是世野自身的稚弱，面对西里尔斯他总是显得那么不安易怒，惊慌失措，他的对白突然之间变得急促，溶解进了过多的感情。 最后的最后，世野身穿着象征这片土地最高权力的军装，昂首站在所有人面前，他要惩戒那些灵魂懒惰的人，他要用最残暴的方式证明他的正确。而西里尔斯依然戴着他的阔沿帽，系着围巾，蓬松的黄发下面是坚毅的一双眼睛，他只是看了看世野，轻念一句：It is beautiful. 指挥官将要被处死的时候，西里尔斯站定了，一直身处局外的他慢慢走出来，轻轻地把撸起的袖子放下去，把胸口的扣子扣起来，音乐舒缓美妙，却充满了宿命的哀伤味道。那个叉开双腿准备行刑的军人在他走近的时候竟然慌了手脚，好像西里尔斯的走来带起了一阵风一样，他只是徒然而又慌乱地喊着“go back”，伸出手按在西里尔斯脸上把他推倒在地的时候，我却觉得他其实更想抚摸这张让他着迷的脸。 然后西里尔斯从地上爬起来，从容不迫地走上前，他扳过西里尔斯的双肩，把这个比他矮小比他瘦弱的男子按进自己的怀里，笃定而又深情地亲吻了他的双颊，镜头里世野的双眼因为这极度的情感震撼而无法自制地饱含泪水，他完全地被惊吓到了，也完全地沉醉了，然后西里尔斯放开他，似乎是看最后一眼那样看了一下蓝天，最后定定地看进了世野的眼睛里。大概只过了3秒，世野就醒来了，他从迷醉喜悦和羞耻中醒来了，然后又把自己遁进了昏迷中。 西里尔斯被惩戒了，被埋进了黄沙里，只留出一个脑袋等待着死亡，只留着一双眼睛看着这世界。只是他终究没有看到，那个男人的走来，对着他敬的那个军礼。他的脚印微微地留在了他死去的黄沙上，仿佛他们的感情那样深刻而又浅薄不堪。 世野割下的那缕头发被带回了他家乡的神社供奉起来，就像劳伦斯所说的，西里尔斯的死在世野的心里种下了一颗种子，而我们，一起目睹了种子的成长。 看完电影之后，我在观看97年坂本龙一现场演奏《Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence》的视频时泪流满面，那样的悲伤与绝望，白发苍苍的教授几乎是用整个生命和情感在演奏这首曲子，最后一个尾音结束的时候我在满眼的泪光中无法自持。 那是怎样绝望的爱情，怎样的绝望，我们总说着，“在那以后他们怎样怎样”，可是在这段感情里，每时每刻我都觉得它会被毫不费力地摧毁，生命的脆弱与情感的凝重在这样的时刻才有资格被提及。同性之爱的禁忌原本就充满哀伤，而在这样的境地，更加的脆弱不堪。西里尔斯对世野的救赎，甚至让他付出了整个生命。 可也许正是这无可预知的一往情深，才配叫做——爱情。

（标题引用自简媜《四月裂帛》，祝大家圣诞快乐。）